from journaling to blogging...a constant quandry

i cant order my steps on this one. i write in a journal and in a blog. i have cut back on my journaling and started using my laptop more for that and keeping a log and posting something from it here and there. i can't get comfortable with posting everything on a blog. i guess i am not as transparent as i thought i was...

anyway, my journaling overall has declined as i have settled in here in baltimore. i am learning that i have relied on my teaching and communication to others too much in my own spiritual journey. it's funny: i have always counseled against that. so, i am making more of an effort to learn and grow on my own (more concentrated i guess is the right term) without the crutch of public speaking. baltimore is teaching me a lot about myself, and i am enjoying most of it.

shauna's in her final stretch at uncc. there is a back story to her job ending there that, many years from now, we will look back and laugh about. until then, it is frustrating. she just has to put up with some crazy mess while that situation is ending. it all came up suddenly. w/o getting into to much, the whole thing just proves God's faithfulness with our journey. she will be here FOR GOOD this weekend. i can't wait to be married again. single life sucks (for me, that is...i know you single folks are cursing me right now and that is ok, i get legal afternoon delights again starting saturday...you cant hurt me...did that comment cross a line?).

so i cant figure out the balance between journaling and blogging. and i dont want to waste my time figuring it out, either. for many, ok, for most, this isnt a dilemma. i just want to blog the meaningful stuff and keep the journaling stuff that is private to myself. i guess i am doing that. you know what? i am learning that i tend to think one way, and when it is challenged i have to kind of regroup and talk myself out of frustration and arrogant apathy towards the change. my god, i am old in my head, arent i? not only that i got a haircut today and i look just like my father! no more pics on here until my hair grows back out to some minimal length where i can spike it or something...no more buzzcuts for me.

i took a nap today at 8pm. how dumb was that? now i cant sleep. and i end up rambling and writing worthless stuff in a blog.
ohwell.

take the risk,
n

Famous Last Words...

yesterday i spent most of the day in a workshop with Tim Stevens at Granger Community Church. It was helpful, and was centered around his new book Pop Goes the Church. I got quite a bit out of it, but we were assigned to create a message series around the idea that Everyone Can Make a Difference (or something like that). We had five minutes to come up with the series idea and relate it to Pop Culture. Dan and I came up with a parenting concept that neither of us really liked. Here's the point: this morning at about 230 when I couldn't sleep (airline delays...long story), I got the lightbulb moment on how I would create this series. Here goes: a pastor friend of mine in orlando did a series at Status called Famous Last Words that was created around this idea. They took words of Jesus, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and others and made the series around being a world difference maker like these people. SO my idea is to spring off of this but to make it more of a pop culture thing (like use Bono, Chris Martin, Angelina Jolie, Oprah, etc.) and tie them to ancient church figures that made a difference and married it to faith. The idea here would be to show different angles of world change/culture change would be cool...and bring ordinary people beside the idea of the Pop Culture celebrity (infuse some life stories)

As for titles i like the following:
Wannabes: How I wannabe versus how I really am
CopyCats: Great decisions that shape who we can be
Famous Last Words (to totally steal the idea now)
Everybody Wants to Change the World (take some Campolo ideas here)
Perspective )this idea takes the images from an investment firm i saw in london. for example, like this:









It is all in the perspective. One looks trashy to some and the other looks trendy to some. Here's the point I would try and make with the perspective parts on the story: Angelina Jolie changes lives in Africa by adopting babies (loose interpretation but you get my point) and Mary Churchgoer changes lives by feeding the needy in her community. It would be kind of a perspective swapping with the celebrity and finding the unknown celebrity changing the world right where we are at...

ok, the name sucks right now, but this idea is in development. i am open to suggestions.

later, take the risk,
nate

Risky Business (no, this is not about an 80's movie)

Risky Business (no, this is not about an 80’s movie)

Risk: exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous choice (so says dictionary.com).

I think I really learned what the word “risk” meant when I was home for the summer during my freshman year at college. Allow me to explain: my “guy” friends (we all know what that statement means, right?) and I went swimming every Sunday night. We called it “SNS” (Sunday night swim). This festive event began around 9:00 p.m., and it happened every Sunday night throughout the summer. We would begin in our church parking lot (where the most deviant plans are surely hatched), and “borrowed” a church van for our adventure (we had to have it, because we all had to ride together...you understand how to justify to get what you want, right?). The adventure led us to Lake Norman (outside of Charlotte, NC...by the way, close to where “home” is for me). Now, one wouldn’t see much danger and risk to swimming at night in a lake (except my mom), but you don’t know the full context of this risk. Not only was it night, and not only did we “borrow” a church van (don’t ask more details, please), but we went swimming at an abandoned dock at an abandoned house with no lighting.

As young college gentlemen will do, we developed a habit of “crashing” this abandoned dock and making it our own, complete with a gas grill. We didn’t realize the risk until we noticed, one blissful, warm summer night, the flashing blue lights by our van. So what did we do? Did we count our losses and pack up to apologize for trespassing? No way. We swam out into the lake further so we couldn’t be seen (college boys lack the mental capacity to think with brilliance at times). We didn’t stop to think that the church van actually had the name and address of the church on it, and that there was a call being made to the church.

I won’t go into the whole story, but I will say we were not arrested (which could have easily happened due to the following charges: grand theft auto, trespassing, littering, disorderly conduct, and being idiots swimming at an abandoned dock at night, just to name a few). The cops laughed at us and a smooth talking member of our group helped us justify the church van situation. In our case, the risk was definitely not worth the reward.

I wonder sometimes how God looks at his decisions. I understand that he is infallible and omni-everything, but I wonder if he looks at the risk of his love versus the decisions we (humanity) make. The life of Christ exists so my life can be worth living; so that I can have a future. How many days go by that I make decisions that jeopardize this promise? How often do I, like a genius young independent college freshman, pay more attention to my immediate satisfaction over the eternal reality? We are all, at times, like those boys at the abandoned dock, swimming further away.

“Create in me a clean heart, Oh God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
-David (the poet king)


on a more personal and solemn note, the below video is, in my opinion, the new risky business video that should replace the 80's original


ok, take the risk,
n

riding bikes randomness...last post for may

ok, first of all, i have what some folks would call a weight problem. it isn't so much of a problem i can't help, but really more of a problem i am too apathetic about to do anything productive to remedy it, besides golf (yes, with a cart).

until 4 hours ago.

i rode a bicycle. around my neighborhood. three times around the loop (that's three miles total).
i was so afraid that my largeness was going to burst the tires. i wish i were kidding. but i did it. the big guy took the bike and rode around the neighborhood like a big kid. and it was kind of fun. it doesn't look like there are any hills when you drive around the neighborhood in the car...but when you are pedaling...there is at least two stretches i hated. but you wouldn't notice the incline unless you were running or cycling. that's what i shall call it...cycling. on a mountain bike...from dick's sporting goods. pathetic.

i rode past kids that think they are cool. they were going home from swimming. they watched me as i rode by. i know they were making fun of me...but ya know what? don't care. they're kids. i could have them arrested (prolly not but i justify my apathetic disdain [yes, brackets inside a parenthesis because i just created a new phrase and there are too many rabbit trails in this posting anyway] with them in the fact that i think i am better b/c i am older).

oh my god i am my father.
love ya, dad.

i miss my wife. good news is she has a job here in Maryland and will begin july 1. until then life seems to suck a lot. i am not writing that for pity...i just simply need to vent. anyway, today was a laid back day. and now i cant seem to go to sleep. i have to get up pretty early, and i am not tired. bad combo. ambien anyone? wait, that sounds like an addict.

i am excited about how my first 90 days have gone here at ALC in maryland. i have learned a lot, most importantly that i have reverted to caring what people think of me. i used to not care so much and making decisions was easier. i miss that. i need that back. not that i want to tick people off, it was just a good thing when i could make a decision based on facts and logic and gut instinct rather than tip toe around feelings. yes, i think i need to find that balance. maybe one day i will have it all together.

another blog without pictures or video. who is a bad blogger? this guy. oh, and i watched way too much CNN today around that whole DNC meeting about the delegates. why am i fascinated about that? why have become such a nerd? I'll tell you why...wife out of town produces more dorkness in the brain for me. why is that? I'll tell you why...i cant relate to this:



looks like i had a movie anyway

oh well, jesus died on a cross i think i will live (now, i am my mom...geez)

take the risk,
n

great weekend and updated site

first of all...the church i am at now has an updated website. i have an awesome team that has put up with me through this process. the site is still just a temp site until i am ready to pull the trigger on a much larger scale, but my team did an awesome job. so stop reading, and go check it out www.abundantlifechurch.us

secondly, my fam came to visit this weekend. i wore them out...we did annapolis on friday night, DC on saturday, church and chill time on sunday and baltimore all day yesterday. however i think my favorite moment was definitely the ride into baltimore by boat. i have the coolest boss.

no pics yet...sorry

take the risk...
n

Pointing At Kids

I am not a kid person. My wife and other people assure me that will change when I become a father. I used to doubt them, and then I met Sam (that’s what we’re going to call him...I won’t use his real name because this kid will probably grow up and hate me for using his real name and beat me up. So, out of fear, I’ll just stick with Sam). Sam’s father and I are very close friends. We’ve known each other since the 1980’s. My wife and I sat down to dinner (at TGI Fridays...pointless reference) with Sam and his parents and, all of a sudden, Sam pointed at me. Now, please realize, Sam is two years old, and I am sort of scared of him. So, yeah, Sam points at me and his eyes get really large. I started feeling convicted, like this kid was getting ready to say something profound and it would make most of us (not me, of course) cry. I imagined him saying, “Nathan! Nathan! Why don’t kids like you? Why, it’s because they think you are a mean person with your big beard!” But Sam didn’t say that. Sam pointed, and then muttered the single word that changed my evening: “E.T.”

So, for those of you who haven't seen the movie, play these videos below. First play the second video. Then, after you have cried and watched, play the first and turn up your speakers so you can re-read the beginning to the music from the film. It will be a life changing event for you, I am sure.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this two year old made a reference to the 1982 thriller, E.T. And he was waiting for my finger to stretch out and touch his, like the movie. Let me stop right now and tell you that if you haven’t seen this movie, then the moment being created here doesn’t carry the “Awww” factor for you. Back to the scene: so what did I do? I stretched out my finger and touched his and said “E.T.” right back at him. AND WE BONDED. We did this no fewer than 4600 times the rest of the evening.

And then I think about God: knowing who God is, understanding him, touching him, seeing him. I know I lack a lot of understanding about God. But that night over the dinner table at TGI Fridays, I learned about God through his creation, again. Imagine eating with God. Do it, right now. Imagine you and God are at TGI Fridays. What happens when you sit at a table with someone you don’t understand? What happens when you try and communicate with someone, who is so powerful and pure, that you really can’t connect? What happens when you really understand your vulnerability in that moment? Here’s what happens: you mutter something familiar. It can be a question, a word, or a song. And what happens in that moment, the other person makes the connection.

Now, I am not comparing myself to God. I am comparing myself to Sam. At God’s table in TGI Fridays, I feel like, most of the time, I am looking at him with big new eyes and pointing. And you know what? God makes the connection. I just have to be vulnerable, and look at Him.

“Attention, all! See the marvels of God! He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, Bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee. ‘Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.’"
-David, the Poet King

I WAS THERE

so i went to the orioles red sox game yesterday. jay payton hit a grand slam in the 7th off Okajima and the place went wild. it was such a great sports moment. i have seen grand slams before, but never in a MLB game. WOW.

so here's my play by play...when the ball was hit ( i was sitting up behind third base) to left field, i immediately jumped to my feet and started screaming and jumping. everyone KNEW it was gone. however, i soon felt my knees go to jelly and felt really drunk in my head. I ALMOST PASSED OUT...AT THE STADIUM. that would be a great headline: Payton's Grand Slam sends fat guy into shock.

it was fun, anyway. and in july, i will going to see Willie Nelson w/my buddy Aaron. oh, how when it is good it is good.

enjoy,