it's almost midnight...this is a dangerous rambling

so i am here in my house alone. shauna is in NC and i will be leaving tomorrow for the queen city. i will be there this weekend to hang out with my dad...tradition thing he and i do now (it became tradition like two years ago...it would be cool if we had started this tradition when i was like 4...but that didn't happen b/c the Wachovia Tournament didn't exist then...so now, this is our tradition).



anywho, i have learned some things about myself with shauna going back and forth to NC for work and me being here alone. i like to call it being a fake bachelor. here's the short list of learned things:

1. as a fake bachelor, i tend to work more.
yes, it is true. i tend to stay more engrossed in my day to day work and obsess over ridiculously minute details. this has led me to realize that i am really OCD about a lot of things. then again, i am more lazy about other things when i am not a fake bachelor...are you following this? can i be more vague? anyway...i lose track of time when i am a fake bachelor.

2. as a fake bachelor, i spend more money.
i hope shauna isn't reading this. ok, it doesn't matter, we share a checking account and she knows this. i went to SAMS on monday afternoon...i bought a 30 pack of potato chips. i have no idea why i did that. i also bought the largest canister of peanuts known to mankind. i have never purchased peanuts before in my life. i am a loser.

3. as a fake bachelor, i procrastinate more than when shauna is usually around.
what i mean by this is simply that the dishes pile high in the sink, the trash piles high in the corner, the clothes pile high in the hamper, and i don't give a crap...and this is normal when shauna is here. with her gone, it is much worse. what happens then is that i spend a block of time fixing it all so it can pile up again.

4. as a fake bachelor, i read more.
this isn't so bad. there are many things i despise about being a fake bachelor. this isn't one of them.

5. as a fake bachelor, i hate to admit that tonight i watched american idol...and loved it when brooke was kicked off. although i am proud to say i still have never seen an entire episode of the bachelor on ABC. shauna loves that show but i think it is dumb.
what would have made me more happy is if the crowd would have thrown vegetables...rotted vegetables. and then, seacrest would have drop kicked her. and then, the guy that looks like an 80's stuffed animal (david archuohmygodheisthemostannoyinglettameslaphisunibrowface) would have been shot by the ghost of anna nicole. but if that happened, the economy may stabilize and gas would go under $2 a gallon again. and we all know oprah ain't gonna let that happen. wow...random.

6. as a fake bachelor, i either stay up much later than usual or go to bed very early.
for instance, ,tonight i will be going to bed around 1am. last night, asleep by 945. inconsistent and weird.

7. as a fake bachelor, i have ridiculous conversations with myself.
yes, i talk to myself regularly. i have learned to keep the voices inside, but when shauna is out of town, i find myself talking to me. last night, i actually debated with myself..out loud...and in walmart. Tyresha (walmart professional) gave me a look. i have seen this look before...and given it many times riding the light rail into Baltimore.

that is the short list. i am less disciplined and more weird without my wife. oh lord, please help us find her a job here very quickly. preferably, one that pays six figures before the decimal point and has flexible hours and free pro baseball and football box seats as a perk...b/c i know she wouldn't care for that but would give them to me to go and enjoy or sell for a profit.

seriously though, prayers are going up.

this move to Baltimore has had some challenges. but we are convinced it is a Kingdom thing. God is proving himself faithful. i cant wait to see how he works this one out.

take the risk...
-n

An Unwilling Self Seduction (or, more accurately, that one time I had stitches put in my face and dad couldn’t watch)

As a child, I had quite a few “accidents.” One of the most memorable is when I fell and sliced open my face in a Sunday School classroom. Long story, but it involves a small trampoline and a Sunday School classroom with the lights turned off (sorry, I lived at the local church through my childhood so my stories usually have something to do with a small church building and, for some reason, me ending up bleeding). I had to have stitches in my face. Today, I have a scar. It is below my left eye if you want to check it out. And, don’t tell anyone, but I am sort of proud that I have a cool scar.

It was like a scene out of “E.R.”, except it was 1987 (maybe...it was definitely the eighties). I was rushed into the bright green room and laid on a table; doctors and nurses were sewing up my face and my mom was holding my hand. My dad was staying out of the room because he couldn’t watch the open face surgery repair. I would say they were scared for my life because I needed stitches. Definitely life threatening when you need stitches (that is how I felt, anyway).

Have you ever noticed that when you were a kid life was more simple? I think it is because when you are a kid, life is all about you. As a kid, you are so self absorbed. You haven’t matured to the point where you know the value of caring for others, truly loving others, or (hold your breath) sacrificing for someone because you love them. My family modeled these things for me beautifully. So far, I have learned how to go from being really self absorbed to being less self absorbed.

Back to the emergency room drama. The doctor put stitches in my face, and I don’t remember if it hurt or not. After a couple of weeks, I would pull at them when no one was looking. Apparently, the fingernail of an eight year old is perfect for pulling out a stitch prematurely. But mom would catch me or dad would tell me to stop it. After all, if my gorgeous mug was going to survive this latest attack then I would need the stitches to stay in for the whole time.

My grandparents were impressed with the scar. I dont remember his exact words but I am sure my grandpa showed me his Korean War scar and I would show him my battle wound. At school, I would frequent the restroom to check my face scar. The second grade girls probably thought I was a hunk; after all, I had a scar.

In the Bible, the writer of John (book in the New Testament) used a definition of love that intimidates me. Basically,m he compares the love of Jesus to an unconditional, risky, wide-open love. A love so authentic and selfless that it doesn’t really make much logical sense in our world. I think the closest I have come to this type of love was when I was a kid, laying on a table, getting my face stitched up. I’ll let you fill in the blanks with your own story, but for me, I learn about love when I think of how close a family can be.

Now, my family (probably like your family) is weird. We are in no way a perfect model of selfless and unconditional love. After all, for that to happen I would have those traits myself, and believe me, I have a long way to go. But I have caught a glimpse from time to time.

When have you seen this type love expressed in family? Isn’t that what God desires for our faith community? As this article closes, let me leave you with some words Paul (a writer in the Bible) left for one of his faith communities. Be challenged by this in your family:

“Let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good (loving each other). Right now, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith” (taken from Galatians 6).

it was only three weeks...

sorry. i am horrible when i get focused. i am so...not focused on other things...like this blog.

the past three weeks i have learned and began to cut a path here in baltimore. there is a big plate at my table to take on and the good news is i am a big guy and i wont have to tackle it all. i have an awesome team and i cant wait to discover the talent and leaders that will join our team over the summer. currently, i have three team spaces to fill ASAP that i am trying to juggle in the interim for our creative arts team: drama/sketch team lead, Creative Hosting team lead, and a Production Leader. wait, i have another one: audio technician team lead. yeah, that is about it. i have some awesome folks around me bringing support to this right now, but this is the state of the creative arts here...i think ministry is always in a position of need when it comes to passionate leadership.

so anyway, i got a golf membership for like $60/mo. and i am playing as much as i can (FUN). i also got a small ticket package to the orioles games. so i am finding ways to spend my free time.

miss my friends but you can all come hang out anytime. i do enjoy the relationships i am making and would like to merge both ends...

i am going to listen to some bab o reiley

later,
take the risk...
-n