homeless...

so it is official...at 4pm this afternoon the movers got to the house and started packing it away. it was a bit sad, but shauna and i fought through the tears and went to sams and got some new tires. how romantic.

so here we are at 1015pm at the hampton inn on exit 12A (I-85) inside virginia. it is nice...it is our home for the night since our bed is now wrapped in cellophane.

this past weekend we skipped out to the mountains of tennessee and had a good time. we just chilled...it was great to sleep in and not worry about anything for a few days. we went to outback and spent too muchmoney and watched so many movies...it was disengaging at it's best. one night, we went to this japanese/chinese/sushi place for dinner...i mean, come on...gatlinburg, TN and sushi SOOO go together, right?

umm....no. it was decent food but everything in that place was disgusting. i made a small video for your enjoyment but stupid verizon wont render my phone footage correctly...so maybe later

it is funny, though



so as i sit here drinking my sundrop and watching ESPN, i think of all of you people who write your own phrases in our lives. we love you...especially those of you who have wrestled your way into a few chapters. we drive to baltimore tomorrow. get our keys...and walk into our empty house. we're ready for the new networks and friends that will be writing new phrases, pages, and maybe even a few chapters.

also, check out my friend, daryl's, blog. he took some great pictures and made me and shauna look really good...that is a difficult job, but he is a pro. love ya, daryl!

i love the passage of scripture that says: "only God knows the hearts of humanity." today, i understand that a bit more.

take the risk...
-n

moving along

so my office is pretty much completely packed up. yesterday in the morning service everyone was so nice to shauna and me as we said our goodbyes. it was all a bit surreal. the cards and gifts were a bit overwhelming for us as we really didn't know how to respond to all the love we received.

so my books are all in boxes...33 of them to be exact. i still have a few giveaways in my office for those of you who wants a keepsake or a book that i am leaving behind. for those of you who have permanently borrowed some of my books...shame on you for not returning them. you will just have to bring them up to baltimore and come see me.

last night in underground will go into my top three memories of all time in ministry. seeing so many of the familiar faces and hugging everyone around the room made a cherished night for me. it was pretty difficult sharing that last short talk with everyone. but i mean what i said. for those of you that didnt make the party, here's a brief transcript of what i challenged underground with last night:

Many times our quest to be loved is lived out by our quest to love other people. In each one of us, there is this internal, driving desire to be loved and that, many times, our quest for live is distorted because we pursue the by-products of being loved. I want to follow up on that with just a thought on living other people: romantically, personally, and unexclusively.
First of all, we are self absorbed people. It is fact. It is scripture. It is life. I don’t need to share several examples here to make this point. From babies playing in a nursery and fighting for toys to juggernauts on Wall Street, our quest for self dominance is real. James, a sibling of Jesus, says it like this: James 4:1-3 (NLT)
What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

And he was talking to Christ followers! Jesus even said in order to truly love others we would need to act as if we were loving ourselves.
Secondly, if we are selfish, then we should check out our motives when we do try and love others. Basically, because of our sin, we love incorrectly. – because of our self love, it is difficult to purely love someone else.
Lastly, in our quest to show love, it is really a quest to give up our desires and meet the needs of others. Romantically, family, friends, etc. It is all about giving up and being truly selfless. Matthew 16:24-25 (NLT)
Then Jesus said to his disciples, If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

Ami Ankilewitz was diagnosed with an extremely rare and often fatal form of Spinal Muscular Atrophy – it severely limits his physical growth and movement. He is 34 now. He weighs 39 pounds. He continues to outlive a doctor’s prediction of life expectancy by 28 years – he was only to make it to age 6. Watch the movie 39 Pounds of Love. His mother refused to listen to doctors and raise her son by herself with all of his limitations. She never gave up on him; she really just gave herself up to love him. Watch the clip below to get a better perspective.

Giving love – it seems so complicated, yet it is very simple: it is meeting the needs of others – selflessness. It is the work of the Kingdom. When love is held to these standards and level of maturity, it makes other things, or by-products, seem insignificant.
Here’s what I ask : choose someone in your life and love them selflessly for the next week. It can be a romantic interest, a co-worker, a family member, etc.
Here’s what will happen:
- they may be confused/ask questions
- you will experience the Kingdom
Take this love in all of your relationships: you will learn to love as Christ, be hurt like Christ and maybe discover someone who loves better than you.

Loving others is what Shauna and I both desire for all of you in Concord. No matter where your journey takes you, your image of God is formed by how you give and receive love.
We will be moving next monday...it is so close. Pray for us, please.

2 weeks left

so i have been coming into the office and doing some work lately, but honestly, my plate is getting empty. it's not that i don't have stuff to do, it's just that i keep watching the teams i have put into place take on the responsibility. it is a bit sad for me. they don't need me after all. the transition time here is really smooth. i just need a house to sell and i need a home in baltimore. this weekend, shauna and i will be going back to meet with our broker and hopefully have some decisions made before we fly home late saturday.

i have been reading a marcus buckingham book lately. it is all about good managing and effective leading. basically (this idea changed my life when i first came across it a few months ago), good leadership, as defined by mr. buckingham, is pointing others to a better future. when that happens, things get done. so when i read this and let it seep in (with quite a few examples and meditation), i changed the way i did things with my teams. i changed the way i communicated to others. so far, it is working and it is making me a more mature and effective leader of people. the past few chapters have been about good managing, and they have been insightful...but not as empowering as that single definition.

i also read some stuff in Isaiah today...you can get bogged down in the depressing stuff for sure. God certainly seems like a bi-polar, mean boss at times. but there are some cool things that have encouraged me lately...like this:
“Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance—
all who seek the Lord!
Consider the rock from which you were cut,
the quarry from which you were mined." (Isaiah 51:1 NLT)

Consider the rock from which you were cut...other translations say, "Consider the rock from which I chiseled you from." Looking back over history it is certain that God has constantly chiseled me. In this process, it is certain that I have great hope because of where he has brought me. the old saying, "God loves you enough not to leave you where you are" is more true now than ever in my life. for me, this verse encouraged the future and the helplessness i sometimes feel. it makes me feel like i am becoming like a precious stone found in a dark and deep mine shaft. with each second of time that passes, i seem to be discovering how valuable i truly am to my creator. i pick up that chisel way too much. my motives are not his motives. his work is pure love.
happy valentines day
-n

life transitions and the like

i haven't written in a while. honestly, i have been lazy in writing lately. there has been so much happening in mine and shauna's lives, too. firstly, we are moving to baltimore. big step. it is a great a cool story of how God is transitioning us to our next step in ministry. maybe i will spell out the process in detail next week.

i am going to try and update this thing a couple times a week with a current thought or struggle or fight i am having with God. i will also be posting the history of our move to baltimore. so, iam gonna pursue and make this blog back to better by committing to that. i will start next week (my last full week at CFA).

my last couple talks in underground are the next two weeks. i will be talking about the things we do for love. the video on this post relates to that.

so i started packing my office up for the move. i have too many books. there is a shelf in my office with books i am leaving. if you want one, come by and get one. the shelf is the far left tier of the bookshelves (beside a bunch of empty shelves)....you cant miss it.
i am a bit sad today with the move becoming more of a reality. it will be ok, though. the people in my life here in concord have always been supportive and loving to us. it is hard leaving that and starting again...just lonely really. all the folks around me hugging me and providing the love is awesome; i just cant get away from the fact that in two weeks it will be over and new hugs from people i dont know will begin. and we will learn to love and grow our network. and it will be good (see God's rant in Genesis).

lastly, i wanna include an email i received an responded to today. it is about a gal in college who is questioning her faith. she is, i believe, a devout follower of christ with doubts. first, her question and then my response. i would love to start a conversation with you readers on this. let me know if you think my answer should be better written...or if i skirted the issue or anything. i love your feedback. ok, here we go...this is kinda like Dear Abby,

(girl's email)
I've been having a lot of faith issues lately to the point that I'm seriously questioning God's existence and/or love. What tells you there is a God? I see amazing things, like the magnitude of creation, the intricacies of the human body, etc. and I know there has to be something bigger. But I feel like prayer does nothing and I'm bombarded on all sides by a more academic perspective that's about knowledge and self-reliance, and I find myself thinking a faith in something we can't "prove" is naive. I don't want to feel this way at all, and I'm not sure where to turn.

(my response...which is longer than it should have been)
i really like what scott larson and chris mitchell have to say about these questions and doubt in their book, a place for skeptics first of all, jesus never shied away from questions...i believe he welcomes them. secondly, it is important to see these questions as more than a single issue. i see (firstly) doubt and (secondly) the subject of God. a word about doubt and belief: 1. belief requires trust. most people believe IN God, but dont believe Him. the Bible says that "we live by faith and not by sight." then it says that "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." in fact, in thinking through these words, i believe that God actually provides us with ways of learning to trust and believe him. while i am seeking every opportunity to avoid the risk of trusting God, he actually gives me opportunities to demonstrate trust (obedience, following, etc.). 2. belief is NOT the absence of doubt. i like the psalms. it uses the word "trust" more than any other book of scripture. the writers yell at God, question God, write goofy poetry to God, and then trust God in their crazy lives. the writers (esp David) almost seem bi-polar. by the very nature of the neurotic psalms, the words reveal that trust is not an absence of doubt or despair. russian author (and Chrisrt follower) fyodor dostoevsky said it this way: " Sometimes the greatest act of faith is in the doubting." in my own life, God is not answering all of my questions or even changing the circumstances, but He is becoming more real to me as i dare to honestly engage Him with all of my doubts, fears and disappointments. 3. belief DEMANDS action i can believe it is good to save money and not go into debt with credit cards. but what do my actions say? if i have a savings account then i validate my beliefs...if i have massive debts then i probably give better advice than i live out. so it is with faith and belief...the very belief i have, if not acted out, turns into weak life philosophy that i celebrate only at certain times and ceremony. sadly, most of the church has come to this way of thinking. Christ's message is much greater than this. he permeates our lives into every facet and makes our actions line up with belief...if we really believe, that is. lastly, if we could reduce our God and faith to a logical proof, then this whole question would be answered: we would then be gods, we would be deity. no, faith and God and this Christ life that we pursue MUST have mystery and awe and wonder. these things are very difficult to come by in our grand SUV american culture. it takes a lot to WOW us. revelation describe the grandeur of Christ when John sees him face to face. if you look at that poetic description, and you study the significance, i believe you would then want to be blown away like that and would then (by any means necessary) approach God and prayer and faith with trembling and worshipful horror. it is this God that welcomes the questions and gives an answer greater than nature. it is our quest of him and the honest and open doubt, response, and faith living that satisfies our hunger. no one will live without doubt, and to do so lacks mature thinking.

ok, so that is the latest post...out with your talons!
-nate