i cant order my steps on this one. i write in a journal and in a blog. i have cut back on my journaling and started using my laptop more for that and keeping a log and posting something from it here and there. i can't get comfortable with posting everything on a blog. i guess i am not as transparent as i thought i was...
anyway, my journaling overall has declined as i have settled in here in baltimore. i am learning that i have relied on my teaching and communication to others too much in my own spiritual journey. it's funny: i have always counseled against that. so, i am making more of an effort to learn and grow on my own (more concentrated i guess is the right term) without the crutch of public speaking. baltimore is teaching me a lot about myself, and i am enjoying most of it.
shauna's in her final stretch at uncc. there is a back story to her job ending there that, many years from now, we will look back and laugh about. until then, it is frustrating. she just has to put up with some crazy mess while that situation is ending. it all came up suddenly. w/o getting into to much, the whole thing just proves God's faithfulness with our journey. she will be here FOR GOOD this weekend. i can't wait to be married again. single life sucks (for me, that is...i know you single folks are cursing me right now and that is ok, i get legal afternoon delights again starting saturday...you cant hurt me...did that comment cross a line?).
so i cant figure out the balance between journaling and blogging. and i dont want to waste my time figuring it out, either. for many, ok, for most, this isnt a dilemma. i just want to blog the meaningful stuff and keep the journaling stuff that is private to myself. i guess i am doing that. you know what? i am learning that i tend to think one way, and when it is challenged i have to kind of regroup and talk myself out of frustration and arrogant apathy towards the change. my god, i am old in my head, arent i? not only that i got a haircut today and i look just like my father! no more pics on here until my hair grows back out to some minimal length where i can spike it or something...no more buzzcuts for me.
i took a nap today at 8pm. how dumb was that? now i cant sleep. and i end up rambling and writing worthless stuff in a blog.
ohwell.
take the risk,
n
