Coaching

About 3 years ago (sheesh, time flies), I read a blog post by Tim Stevens, and I had one of those, "hey, this could be cool" moments. I forwarded the blog post to my boss, Dan, and probably said something like, "hey, this would be cool."

Long story short, Dan agreed. We made the decision to send me off for some coaching. Since coming to ALC, back in 2008, Dan and I have worked together in expanding my role and growing me as a leader. I am very blessed to have such rich relationships that value my development.

So, I went. For several months I went. Flying into South Bend for this coaching session (South Bend is literally on the way to nowhere) at Granger Community Church. I got to meet Tim and his whole team. They paid for dinner a few times, too. I got to hang out with some high capacity folks. I learned a lot. I still have all the books and notes and they've been a great help (the book, Narcissistic Leaders was my favorite).

But, you know what was the best part, to me, anyway? The network. I'm now in a network of other executives and we actually respond and follow up with each other. One dude in particular, Jeff, I've followed up with quite often. Sometimes for advice, sometimes to pray for him, sometimes to just laugh. I've emailed and facebooked my network of friends (executive pastors) either individually or as a whole at least every month. There's value in relationships.

That's been the best part for me. GCC's coaching networks have been a great value. If you're a leader, pastor, intern..., and you need a network and a solid, practical approach to ministry, check them out.

I whole-heartily endorse and encourage some type of coaching relationship for anyone who leads. Leonard Sweet made this thought provoking statement, and I happen to love the challenge of it: "Our well-being depends on our ability to connect with other humans." Not only in fundamental development, but in leadership, and especially in faith: relationships matter.

If you're interested, check out Granger's networks and coaching opportunities. Their organization is called wiredchurches.com. And, if you're really interested, here's some direct links to some coaching networks coming up:
- Executive Pastors Coaching Network
- Connections Strategy Coaching Network
- Communications Strategy Coaching Network
- Launching in February: EnterMission Coaching Experience

Making the Jump

This post is a bit different than most of my normal ones. It is about me trying to save money.

Last May, I was teaching about fiscal responsibility at my church. I hinted at the step I was planning to take to reduce my cable bill. Little did I know, many emails and conversations would ensue. It seems a lot of people want to reduce their bills as well but keep the same quality (or comparable) entertainment options at home. In each convo, I was told something like, "Please let me know what you end up doing. The whole idea of internet based streaming is scary and I have no idea what to do but I want to reduce my bill, too." Ah, the wonderfulness of first world problems. 

I understand. The price for cable/ satellite, awesome fiber television programming has tripled since I was in college (ten years). Also, there's a lot of highly intelligent people, myself humbly included, who simply aren't geeky enough to keep up with the technology.

So, in an effort to keep things simple, I will do three things to let you in on my decisions to make the jump:

1. Give an overview of before and after regarding costs and savings
2. Give some insight into how I arrived at these decisions
3. Give some opinion on how other options (that were considered) would have affected me.

This was a process and it took a good chunk of time. Unlike my summers in college, I don't have a large bank of time to dedicate to testing and experimenting and researching. So, what would take some people a week took me about four months. But, today (literally) the switch is being made. Let me also add this is just my experience. I'm not interested in being annoyed by critique, here. I'm only offering this for information and the decisions below are what works for us. That being said, don't try to engage me in a convo on how I should be sending money to a missionary or how if I had waited another week I could have purchased a brand new prototype that shaves my legs while I watch tv. Maybe you don't have a clue of what I already give to missionaries or that I have had laser hair removal on my legs...

Ok, here goes.

Overview of before and after regarding costs and savings:

Before the switch costs: $1440 a year

• Verizon FIOS internet and TV: $120/ month; $1440/ yr.
• Average $10/month video rentals (redbox, on demand)

After the switch costs: $976 first year ; $816 each following year (depending on whether I can find comparable less expensive internet)

• Comcast internet (fast speed at cheaper price): $50/ month (for six months, $60/ month following); $660/ yr. 
• Complimentary basic cable with internet package (network tv and free to air channels)
• Added Netflix subscription $8/ month; $96/ year
• Purchased my own WiFi modem (Comcast charges $10 a month to lease; more info on this decision below): $120
• Purchased Apple TV (after much research and hands on testing; more info on this decision below): $100

Savings:

• $464 First Year
• $624 each additional year (maybe more depending on whether I can find comparable less expensive internet)

Insight into how I arrived at these decisions

First of all, we live outside of Washington DC. Two things: internet is expensive here (more so than say, Charlotte, NC, compared to what I paid there before we moved) and you have to have high speed internet to make then jump we're looking into.

First decision: get rid of Verizon FIOS.
This one was easy. I'm sick of paying $1440 a year for something I can get cheaper, and with more options. And yes, I called them and tried to give them a chance to reduce their costs. They didn't want to.

Second decision: Comcast.
This was difficult. For starters, there's not a ton of high speed internet options. We have had Comcast before (didn't have any issues except with home telephone, which we now haven't had for about 3 years, and haven't missed it AT ALL). Here's some key factors in my decision to go with Comcast:

• Doubled the speeds I had with FIOS for about $40 a month cheaper than FIOS
• Included basic cable package (I was going to install HD antenna but no need now)
• I can cut more costs by using my own equipment (WiFi modem). FIOS doesn't allow you to use their service without their equipment charges (lame). 

Third Decision: Buy my own modem
With Comcast, you can purchase your own equipment or lease theirs. I decided to buy my own and save money over time.

Fourth decision: Apple TV
I can hear the collective groans and see the eye rolls of all the purists out there. It's true, I drank the Apple kool aid long ago and it has been sweet. For all the talk of the price, consider that, with macs, I don't need a lot of software upgrades/ updates, security patches, and tech support. I would argue I have over time, paid less money than some of my lovable dell supporters out there (or LINUX, whatever). Plus, we're still using a mac I purchased about 7 years ago without an issue. And yes, we prefer big fat crayons to sharpened perfected artistic pencils. Sorry for the soapbox. Apple TV... why? Well, for a few big reasons:

• AirPlay and Mirroring: we can wirelessly mirror anything on our ipad, iphone, or mac to the TV. That means Lucy (my daughter) can watch DocMcStuffins as much as she wants without us having to have a Disney subscription (thank you itunes apps). This functionality is not as easy on other devices.
• Price: at $100 it isn't the cheapest option but it is far from the most expensive.
• Netflix and Hulu Plus are both available (as of June 2012)
• HomeSharing: I can watch or listen to anything I have already purchased with my itunes account.

Opinion on how other options (that were considered) would have affected me.

HD Antenna for free to air network channels:

• I considered this and tested it.
• It isn't as reliable as a hard connection (even with roof antenna).
• I would have went with this option had Comcast not given the free basic cable package.
• It would have cost me an additional $200 (both for antenna and receiver, I have a flat panel HDTV but no HD receiver, old model)

Roku:

• - Cost effective ($50-$100 depending on style/ functionality you want)
• - Didn't allow us to mirror or access Disney content (big deal when you have a 2 year old)
• - Didn't test, just read reviews

Boxee Box:

• Purchased and tested with Boxee Live TV (built in HD antenna and tuner)
• I Hated It
• Interface was a big learning curve and content was pretty similar to what Roku offers, except that when you use the internet browser function (which would have been extremely cool), I found that certain companies (such as Disney) blacklisted Boxee making their sites unviewable. I did some research on this and, apparently, Boxee is not affectionately embraced by normal people (translated: unless you are an internet or IT guru, Boxee will frustrate you).
• Cost: $300 total

XBOX 360:

• I already own one.
• Works with Netflix, Hulu Plus, and YouTube
• I could use this for sure, but would not get the up to date movie rentals I want or be able to use mirroring or home play functionality.

Other internet options:

• Frankly, internet here is pretty comparable and expensive (IMHO)
• I considered satellite internet, 4G box with my wireless plan, and a few other things. The best deal I could find was with Comcast. And yes, I know their customer service sucks.

Other options I am strongly considering:

• TiVo or Simple TV (for DVR/ recording stuff. Although, I don't know if I will actually need it since most of the tv will now be on demand anyway. 

Bottom line: we did what works for us. If we did not have the apple products already, I would have went with a Roku over the Apple TV and Lucy would have had to get over it. Additionally, if Comcast had not offered the basic television package, I would have went with the same cost for internet and would have had to go with an HD antenna for network channels/ local channels. It was a strike of luck/ blessing that the basic tv thing was offered.

Thoughts on preachers...

I've been around preachers all my life. Most of my exposure has been to the ones in churches. No doubt, preachers exist in about any context you can imagine.

I work in the church, and have sometimes been called a preacher. Sometimes, I shudder at that. I like to think of it as teaching, not preaching. I think it's because "preaching" (as a verb) has a negative connotation in my head (and to several people I know). It's one thing to PREACH at someone and quite another to invite a person into a conversation. It's one thing to declare TRUTH and another to discover it. I would like to think of my role in the church as one that helps to facilitate a conversation rather than create a monologue where one simply approves/ hates the content. Maybe my definition needs work...

Now, several "preachers" may read the above and immediately try to "preach" or "parent" me into thinking a different way. That's really not needed (or desired by anyone, btw). I think most of us humans are sick of being "preached" to and desire honest dialogue (even if it is a teaching format). We need relationships. We need the back and forth.

I was reading about one of the "preachers" in the Bible, John. Apparently, he was the first Baptist (pause for apathetic courtesy laugh). Pay attention to what the Bible says about him and his job in Mark 1:

1-3 The good news of Jesus Christ—the Message!—begins here, following to the letter the scroll of the prophet Isaiah.
Watch closely: I'm sending my preacher ahead of you; He'll make the road smooth for you. Thunder in the desert! Prepare for God's arrival! Make the road smooth and straight!
4-6 John the Baptizer appeared in the wild, preaching a baptism of life-change that leads to forgiveness of sins. People thronged to him from Judea and Jerusalem and, as they confessed their sins, were baptized by him in the Jordan River into a changed life. John wore a camel-hair habit, tied at the waist with a leather belt. He ate locusts and wild field honey.

 Here's what I picked up on his preaching:

1. SOUND: His preaching was classified as thunder in the desert. Noticeable. Audible.
2. TEXTURED: His preaching went ahead of Jesus: in other words, he set the scene. He told of the coming GOOD NEWS. His job was to make the road smooth and straight for the coming of Christ. Smooth and straight. Easy to follow. Clear.
3. VISUAL: his message and appearance was out in "the wild." What does that mean? His preaching was out there for everyone. He had a "go to" mentality. (He also wore a "habit" much like that of the definition of the dress of the nun) Accessible. Seen. Obvious. Appearance Matters. Not Overdressed (yeah, IMHO). 
4. FOCUSED: He preached life-change that leads to forgiveness. Wait, I thought forgiveness was the change? There's some mystery, here. Jesus is coming to bring forgiveness. However, there's this big prelude indicating that being prepared is a part of life change. Mysterious. Powerful. Focused. Clear.
5. CAPTIVATING: People "thronged" to him. He baptized them. He created the back and forth context. There's a big difference between being functional and being captivating. It's called design integration, or story generation. The artists of the world love this. Design. Interactive. Conversation. Story. Next Step.

Bottom line: there's power to his preaching. This isn't an exhaustive definition of preaching. It isn't even necessarily a working model for all preachers to follow. BUT, it is compelling, isn't it? There's some truth here.

Whether you "preach" (internal cringe) or you have heard preachers, I think these points are especially interesting. I not only notice what John does, but what he doesn't do...

...that's another post.

Want to lead? Learn from my friend, Carol.

My friend Carol leads hospitality teams at our church (ushers, greeters, baking, coffee bar, special events, welcome center, security, breakfast for all volunteers on Sundays, parking...). I'm tired thinking about this list of responsibilities. I love watching her lead. She has fun. Her team loves her. Here's what I've noticed:


  1. Carol delegates: She doesn't do everything. She doesn't want to and she doesn't need to, either. Carol has about 5-6 direct reports that lead her teams. She gets along with them. They laugh. They have good chemistry. They are scatter brained. They're having several 5 minute meetings all the time to touch base. She's very accessible to her team leaders.
  2. Carol smiles: It's like she actually enjoys herself while she's leading (imagine that!). People on her team are always smiling. If stuff trickles downhill, then a positive attitude and genuine positivity is like a waterfall. You can't serve on one of Carol's teams without getting affected. At the last all church event, her teams did the Cupid Shuffle.
  3. Carol works hard: She isn't necessarily doing all the heavy lifting. But, it's hard to find Carol unless you're on her team. Her team always knows where she is located. She is always walking around and checking on her team, resourcing and helping. She is working hard to lead, but she's also ready to pitch in and move a tent during an event. She is the first to arrive and the last one to leave.
  4. Carol coaches: She isn't about to put a third stringer in for the final shot, but she is coaching that third stringer like he is about to get that chance. She effectively matches people with skill and personality on her teams. Chemistry is more important than competence to Carol. Let's make sure these people fit while they do mission together. And, along the way, her and her leaders come alongside to help people. There's a great support system. The third stringer may be getting that shot after all this coaching.
  5. Carol sees the big picture: Sure, sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes people hurt other people, including Carol. But she has this uncanny advantage on most leaders, she sees the bigger picture. Bad things, hurtful things, annoying things... these are all distractions and setbacks. They don't take her or her team away from the purpose or vision. She helps her leaders and other teammates see this as well. This is not something you can really teach, it must be caught by a leader.

So, there ya go. I think Carol is one of the best team leaders I've ever seen. I'm glad she's on our team at ALC. We're a better overall team because of it. You can learn from Carol.

I got problems...

I can see your smirk as you read the title.

Everybody has problems, right? It's the tie that binds. It's the circle of life. It's the reality of a breathing human being. Problems. I got 'em, you've got 'em, apparently Jay-Z's got close to 100 of 'em (99 I think).

But, and I could be wrong, I am convinced that most of our problems aren't really problems. Let me explain: There's a great little outdated book we're reading in our team meetings (we're one chapter away from finishing it) called, The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player. In it, there's this chapter on problems. The main point of this particular chapter is to encourage a team to see problems as opportunities. Get it? Silver lining.

Without rehashing the whole chapter, I've come to the understanding (and agreement) that not everything we may see as a problem is a problem. Again, let me attempt to explain. Something is a problem when I label it as a problem. That wasn't meant to be a Pollyanna statement, but I guess it could be conceived as such. Sometimes, we face set backs, inconveniences, and obstacles. Every real problem must have a solution, right? When I call something a problem I am, inevitably, setting up a course of action. If one way of thinking (or acting) created a problem, it is quite logical that a different way of thinking (or acting) can solve it, right?

Maybe. But I get caught up with the set backs, inconveniences, and obstacles. Face it, those things absolutely, unequivocally, undoubtedly, suck. From beltway backups to stubbed toes, from bad diagnoses to rattle and hums, from micromanaging bosses to idiot ex girlfriends (yes, they are all idiots), I don't like set backs, inconveniences, and obstacles.

But, that's life. Not everything is a problem; there are things that just get in the way. But problems can be solved. Everyone sees problems.

But

Not

Everyone

Sees

Solutions.

Those who see solutions are the best teammates in the world. Anybody can recognize a problem (or a set back). Not everybody can see the other side. Not everybody can drive energy around the solution. Not everybody can take a team on an energy filled course to resolution.

Problems are like exercise (really). They hurt at first, but then they help. They help when it hurts so bad that change must happen. Sometimes, we won't change without the pain. Most times, we won't stretch until we start hurting. Problems stretch us. When we're faced with problems, according to the aforementioned book, we do one of four things:

1. Run away from it (avoid it)
2. Fight it (resist it)
3. Forget it (deny it)
4. Face it (confront it)

I have a lengthy track history in most of those (especially the resisting one). Only when I come to a mature way of thinking do I face the problem and confront it for what it is. When I confront it, I am forced to think about it. No problem can withstand the power of sustained thinking. When I confront it, I pray about it. It's amazing how focused on solutions we can become if we think and pray (not necessarily in that order). Both are important. God gave us a brain, two ears, and one mouth that has the ability to close. Our brains and our ears don't close so well once they're engaged.

So, what's your problem? How are you looking at it? Try seeing the solution. I promise that if you can, you will be encouraged when you interact with the other side of it. 

My Notes: Necessary Endings (Henry Cloud)

I read this book last fall, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I picked it up (ebook) at a time when I had some difficult decisions to make regarding ministry development (I'm a pastor). For some reason, we, in the church, especially, think of endings as failures (someone quits our team, we end our process, etc.). I love how Henry Cloud breaks this down and deconstructs this damaging thinking. I also appreciate the heart and spirit with which he communicates. Being a follower of Jesus, he clearly takes the time needed to align action and faith. This subject matter explodes with tangible value for relationships, personnel, leadership, and personal development.

Here's some of the highlights I made in the book, along with some limited commentary (by me):

• "In a false reality, hope is the worst quality you can have."
  (This quote especially broke through to me regarding a reality I was avoiding with a particular person on my team. Sometimes, people don't want to lead no matter how bad I think they could, or should. Building false realities are too common for us in ministry... God has given us faith and common sense.)
• "In the absence of real, objective reasons to think that more time is going to help, it is probably time for some type of necessary ending."
• "If you are in a hole, rule number one is to stop digging."
  (This reminded me of a Dave Ramsey rant.)
• "What reason, other than the fact that I want this to work, do I have for believing that tomorrow is going to be different than today?"
  (What a vital question to answer! If it is just desire, then change/ transformation will probably be out of reach.)
• "Promises by someone who has a history of letting you down in a relationship mean nothing certain in terms of the future."
• "It is not irrational to listen to a crazy idea from a proven sane performer. It is often irrational to listen to a seemingly good idea from a proven nonperformer."
  (Story of my life. Thank God I produce enough to be listened to by my team. lol)
• "How do you know when to have hope for the future of someone's changes? Look at the degree to which you are having to drive the process. That is one of the strongest indicators of what is going to happen."
  (Bold emphasis mine. For some reason, I feel this is a parenting tip...)
• "The strategy for foolish people is simple: Quit talking about the problem and clearly communicate that because talking is not helping, you are going to take steps to protect what is important to you, the mission, or other people. Give limits that stop the collateral damage of their refusal to change, and where appropriate, give consequences that will cause them to feel the pain of their choice to not listen."
  (Simple. Direct. Challenging. Consequential. I can't detail how valuable this quote is when it comes to ending a conversation and commencing to action.)
• "...I cannot have them [the foolish] putting their foot on the brake while I am putting mine on the accelerator."
  (This will kill an organization or a team: to have a non performer be allowed to thrive without consequences.)
• "A deadline without consequences is not much of a deadline. So promise consequences for making and missing the deadline, and deliver them."
•  "As a rule, the more immediate the feedback, the better the performance."
• "At some point, if you are a leader, sometimes you have to lead, even when no one wants to follow."
  (This is a hard quote, but a true one. Especially hard for pastors, because we are supposed to be leading people in following Jesus, right?)
• "Part of maturity is getting to the place where we can let go of one wish in order to have another. So, if you feel resistance about executing a certain ending, figure out what two or more desires are in conflict, admit to yourself that you can only have one, and then ask yourself this question: Which one am I willing to give up to have the other one?"
• "You have to be able to face losing some things you might want in order to be free to do the right thing. If you can't, you are stuck."
  (Too many of us are stuck in bad relationships, bad jobs, bad teams, bad realities, because we lack the courage needed to do the right thing. If the point of change is to just avoid the bad things, we are missing the point. The point is to be healthy followers of Jesus in the midst of conflict. If we can hold to our values and boundaries, how is that healthy? Change my heart, God, to do the things that I know are right, not just for my immediate comfort.)
• "When people are throwing up resistances to a certain decision, have everyone sign off on the consequences as a group."
  (Man, is this powerful. I have actually done this a few times since reading this book)
• John Kotter suggests how to deal with people who aren't willing to listen (he calls them NoNo people): His three strategies are to distract them, push them out of the organization, or expose them to the power of the group."
  (I prefer his third strategy... it packs the biggest, most healthy punch for communication and transition)

So, that's my highlights and some personal notes on it. I highly recommend this book. I feel it has helped me personally, professionally, and in my own growth to be more like Jesus (not trying to single out that last one as a separate reality from the other two, I just felt it needed emphasizing. Of course, following Jesus is holistic.). 

Follow the link to purchase on Amazon.

True religion looks like...

My friend lost her mom today.


But, it's not really her mom.


But, she sort of is...




See, back when she went to college, a woman opened her large, Victorian home for her to live in. Room and board are important things to a college student. A relationship developed. My friend has a vast family history. A few months back, she started telling me her connection to all of her siblings... I was quickly confused. Even though she comes from a large family, it is disoersed. A dispersed family is often a non existent family. They're not mean spirited, it's just the way it is, ya know? So, she got adopted as a college student. Odd, huh?


She lived in the attic in a suite that could grace a CS Lewis fantasy book. Dark, hard woods and majestic views into the state park that was lovingly dubbed, "the back yard." I still don't quite understand how the arrangement was made, but it doesn't matter. She developed a family relationship. Quite frankly, she was taken in.


Fast forward some 30 years. My friend, who has kept in touch with her adopted "mom", decides to leave her executive position and move in to be a caretaker for her. Imagine this: a strong businesswoman has a successful (executive) career and she leaves it all to be a caretaker. It sounds a bit like a work of fiction... kind of like a children's book that encourages one to do the right thing. The adopted becomes the adoptee. "Mom" has family, but, similarly, they are dispersed.


My friend works from home, makes the money she can, and cares for "mom" in the same Victorian house that was home for several semesters. This time, she will live here for several years. Care taking is a full time job in itself. Aside from actual personal care, there are administrative considerations, events, hair appointments, and the like. Every year, there's a huge birthday party. Mom turns 90...91...92...93... The birthdays become big events at the house. Mom gets frail and moves into assisted care. Birthday parties continue. 94...95... "This woman is gonna outlive everyone!", my friend would say.


Today, mom passed. She lived a long life, being blessed and filled with the care from my friend. My friend is crushed. I understand why. These two people loved each other.


The book of James says that true religion, the kind that God accepts as pure and faultless, is the care and concern for the orphan and the widow in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. Now, my friend is not an orphan, and neither was her mom, literally. But, I believe they cared for each other a lot. And, neither of them allowed culture, the world, to corrupt the love that lives deep inside. I can draw some parallels, and I think the lessons here are numerous. On the outside looking in, I am learning more about God's personal love. Don't let your love become dormant, love one another. Would I care for someone like that? Would I take in the college kid who needs help? Would I quit my career to care for someone? Truly, these actions come from a motivation not dominant in our world. Can I love another person purely, enough to where it hurts me?


It's sad. Grief is not fun. I hope I can say the right words and bring some comfort for my friend. But, I am challenged by this story. I think, in some strange way, I just witnessed a modern day teaching of Jesus.


My friend lost her mom today.


It really was her mom.


Really.