My friend lost her mom today.
But, it's not really her mom.
But, she sort of is...
See, back when she went to college, a woman opened her large, Victorian home for her to live in. Room and board are important things to a college student. A relationship developed. My friend has a vast family history. A few months back, she started telling me her connection to all of her siblings... I was quickly confused. Even though she comes from a large family, it is disoersed. A dispersed family is often a non existent family. They're not mean spirited, it's just the way it is, ya know? So, she got adopted as a college student. Odd, huh?
She lived in the attic in a suite that could grace a CS Lewis fantasy book. Dark, hard woods and majestic views into the state park that was lovingly dubbed, "the back yard." I still don't quite understand how the arrangement was made, but it doesn't matter. She developed a family relationship. Quite frankly, she was taken in.
Fast forward some 30 years. My friend, who has kept in touch with her adopted "mom", decides to leave her executive position and move in to be a caretaker for her. Imagine this: a strong businesswoman has a successful (executive) career and she leaves it all to be a caretaker. It sounds a bit like a work of fiction... kind of like a children's book that encourages one to do the right thing. The adopted becomes the adoptee. "Mom" has family, but, similarly, they are dispersed.
My friend works from home, makes the money she can, and cares for "mom" in the same Victorian house that was home for several semesters. This time, she will live here for several years. Care taking is a full time job in itself. Aside from actual personal care, there are administrative considerations, events, hair appointments, and the like. Every year, there's a huge birthday party. Mom turns 90...91...92...93... The birthdays become big events at the house. Mom gets frail and moves into assisted care. Birthday parties continue. 94...95... "This woman is gonna outlive everyone!", my friend would say.
Today, mom passed. She lived a long life, being blessed and filled with the care from my friend. My friend is crushed. I understand why. These two people loved each other.
The book of James says that true religion, the kind that God accepts as pure and faultless, is the care and concern for the orphan and the widow in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. Now, my friend is not an orphan, and neither was her mom, literally. But, I believe they cared for each other a lot. And, neither of them allowed culture, the world, to corrupt the love that lives deep inside. I can draw some parallels, and I think the lessons here are numerous. On the outside looking in, I am learning more about God's personal love. Don't let your love become dormant, love one another. Would I care for someone like that? Would I take in the college kid who needs help? Would I quit my career to care for someone? Truly, these actions come from a motivation not dominant in our world. Can I love another person purely, enough to where it hurts me?
It's sad. Grief is not fun. I hope I can say the right words and bring some comfort for my friend. But, I am challenged by this story. I think, in some strange way, I just witnessed a modern day teaching of Jesus.
My friend lost her mom today.
It really was her mom.
Really.
