riding bikes randomness...last post for may

ok, first of all, i have what some folks would call a weight problem. it isn't so much of a problem i can't help, but really more of a problem i am too apathetic about to do anything productive to remedy it, besides golf (yes, with a cart).

until 4 hours ago.

i rode a bicycle. around my neighborhood. three times around the loop (that's three miles total).
i was so afraid that my largeness was going to burst the tires. i wish i were kidding. but i did it. the big guy took the bike and rode around the neighborhood like a big kid. and it was kind of fun. it doesn't look like there are any hills when you drive around the neighborhood in the car...but when you are pedaling...there is at least two stretches i hated. but you wouldn't notice the incline unless you were running or cycling. that's what i shall call it...cycling. on a mountain bike...from dick's sporting goods. pathetic.

i rode past kids that think they are cool. they were going home from swimming. they watched me as i rode by. i know they were making fun of me...but ya know what? don't care. they're kids. i could have them arrested (prolly not but i justify my apathetic disdain [yes, brackets inside a parenthesis because i just created a new phrase and there are too many rabbit trails in this posting anyway] with them in the fact that i think i am better b/c i am older).

oh my god i am my father.
love ya, dad.

i miss my wife. good news is she has a job here in Maryland and will begin july 1. until then life seems to suck a lot. i am not writing that for pity...i just simply need to vent. anyway, today was a laid back day. and now i cant seem to go to sleep. i have to get up pretty early, and i am not tired. bad combo. ambien anyone? wait, that sounds like an addict.

i am excited about how my first 90 days have gone here at ALC in maryland. i have learned a lot, most importantly that i have reverted to caring what people think of me. i used to not care so much and making decisions was easier. i miss that. i need that back. not that i want to tick people off, it was just a good thing when i could make a decision based on facts and logic and gut instinct rather than tip toe around feelings. yes, i think i need to find that balance. maybe one day i will have it all together.

another blog without pictures or video. who is a bad blogger? this guy. oh, and i watched way too much CNN today around that whole DNC meeting about the delegates. why am i fascinated about that? why have become such a nerd? I'll tell you why...wife out of town produces more dorkness in the brain for me. why is that? I'll tell you why...i cant relate to this:



looks like i had a movie anyway

oh well, jesus died on a cross i think i will live (now, i am my mom...geez)

take the risk,
n

great weekend and updated site

first of all...the church i am at now has an updated website. i have an awesome team that has put up with me through this process. the site is still just a temp site until i am ready to pull the trigger on a much larger scale, but my team did an awesome job. so stop reading, and go check it out www.abundantlifechurch.us

secondly, my fam came to visit this weekend. i wore them out...we did annapolis on friday night, DC on saturday, church and chill time on sunday and baltimore all day yesterday. however i think my favorite moment was definitely the ride into baltimore by boat. i have the coolest boss.

no pics yet...sorry

take the risk...
n

Pointing At Kids

I am not a kid person. My wife and other people assure me that will change when I become a father. I used to doubt them, and then I met Sam (that’s what we’re going to call him...I won’t use his real name because this kid will probably grow up and hate me for using his real name and beat me up. So, out of fear, I’ll just stick with Sam). Sam’s father and I are very close friends. We’ve known each other since the 1980’s. My wife and I sat down to dinner (at TGI Fridays...pointless reference) with Sam and his parents and, all of a sudden, Sam pointed at me. Now, please realize, Sam is two years old, and I am sort of scared of him. So, yeah, Sam points at me and his eyes get really large. I started feeling convicted, like this kid was getting ready to say something profound and it would make most of us (not me, of course) cry. I imagined him saying, “Nathan! Nathan! Why don’t kids like you? Why, it’s because they think you are a mean person with your big beard!” But Sam didn’t say that. Sam pointed, and then muttered the single word that changed my evening: “E.T.”

So, for those of you who haven't seen the movie, play these videos below. First play the second video. Then, after you have cried and watched, play the first and turn up your speakers so you can re-read the beginning to the music from the film. It will be a life changing event for you, I am sure.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this two year old made a reference to the 1982 thriller, E.T. And he was waiting for my finger to stretch out and touch his, like the movie. Let me stop right now and tell you that if you haven’t seen this movie, then the moment being created here doesn’t carry the “Awww” factor for you. Back to the scene: so what did I do? I stretched out my finger and touched his and said “E.T.” right back at him. AND WE BONDED. We did this no fewer than 4600 times the rest of the evening.

And then I think about God: knowing who God is, understanding him, touching him, seeing him. I know I lack a lot of understanding about God. But that night over the dinner table at TGI Fridays, I learned about God through his creation, again. Imagine eating with God. Do it, right now. Imagine you and God are at TGI Fridays. What happens when you sit at a table with someone you don’t understand? What happens when you try and communicate with someone, who is so powerful and pure, that you really can’t connect? What happens when you really understand your vulnerability in that moment? Here’s what happens: you mutter something familiar. It can be a question, a word, or a song. And what happens in that moment, the other person makes the connection.

Now, I am not comparing myself to God. I am comparing myself to Sam. At God’s table in TGI Fridays, I feel like, most of the time, I am looking at him with big new eyes and pointing. And you know what? God makes the connection. I just have to be vulnerable, and look at Him.

“Attention, all! See the marvels of God! He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, Bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee. ‘Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.’"
-David, the Poet King

I WAS THERE

so i went to the orioles red sox game yesterday. jay payton hit a grand slam in the 7th off Okajima and the place went wild. it was such a great sports moment. i have seen grand slams before, but never in a MLB game. WOW.

so here's my play by play...when the ball was hit ( i was sitting up behind third base) to left field, i immediately jumped to my feet and started screaming and jumping. everyone KNEW it was gone. however, i soon felt my knees go to jelly and felt really drunk in my head. I ALMOST PASSED OUT...AT THE STADIUM. that would be a great headline: Payton's Grand Slam sends fat guy into shock.

it was fun, anyway. and in july, i will going to see Willie Nelson w/my buddy Aaron. oh, how when it is good it is good.

enjoy,

weekend with dad

me and my dad went to the wachovia golf tournament this weekend. i had so much fun. and i learned a lot of things about my dad. i realized it has been a long time since he and i spent some time together. i realized how much older we have both become since i graduated from college. the past three days have been wonderful...and the golf wasnt bad, either.
thanks, dad

no pictures...no video...just keeping this one simple

take the risk...
-n

it's almost midnight...this is a dangerous rambling

so i am here in my house alone. shauna is in NC and i will be leaving tomorrow for the queen city. i will be there this weekend to hang out with my dad...tradition thing he and i do now (it became tradition like two years ago...it would be cool if we had started this tradition when i was like 4...but that didn't happen b/c the Wachovia Tournament didn't exist then...so now, this is our tradition).



anywho, i have learned some things about myself with shauna going back and forth to NC for work and me being here alone. i like to call it being a fake bachelor. here's the short list of learned things:

1. as a fake bachelor, i tend to work more.
yes, it is true. i tend to stay more engrossed in my day to day work and obsess over ridiculously minute details. this has led me to realize that i am really OCD about a lot of things. then again, i am more lazy about other things when i am not a fake bachelor...are you following this? can i be more vague? anyway...i lose track of time when i am a fake bachelor.

2. as a fake bachelor, i spend more money.
i hope shauna isn't reading this. ok, it doesn't matter, we share a checking account and she knows this. i went to SAMS on monday afternoon...i bought a 30 pack of potato chips. i have no idea why i did that. i also bought the largest canister of peanuts known to mankind. i have never purchased peanuts before in my life. i am a loser.

3. as a fake bachelor, i procrastinate more than when shauna is usually around.
what i mean by this is simply that the dishes pile high in the sink, the trash piles high in the corner, the clothes pile high in the hamper, and i don't give a crap...and this is normal when shauna is here. with her gone, it is much worse. what happens then is that i spend a block of time fixing it all so it can pile up again.

4. as a fake bachelor, i read more.
this isn't so bad. there are many things i despise about being a fake bachelor. this isn't one of them.

5. as a fake bachelor, i hate to admit that tonight i watched american idol...and loved it when brooke was kicked off. although i am proud to say i still have never seen an entire episode of the bachelor on ABC. shauna loves that show but i think it is dumb.
what would have made me more happy is if the crowd would have thrown vegetables...rotted vegetables. and then, seacrest would have drop kicked her. and then, the guy that looks like an 80's stuffed animal (david archuohmygodheisthemostannoyinglettameslaphisunibrowface) would have been shot by the ghost of anna nicole. but if that happened, the economy may stabilize and gas would go under $2 a gallon again. and we all know oprah ain't gonna let that happen. wow...random.

6. as a fake bachelor, i either stay up much later than usual or go to bed very early.
for instance, ,tonight i will be going to bed around 1am. last night, asleep by 945. inconsistent and weird.

7. as a fake bachelor, i have ridiculous conversations with myself.
yes, i talk to myself regularly. i have learned to keep the voices inside, but when shauna is out of town, i find myself talking to me. last night, i actually debated with myself..out loud...and in walmart. Tyresha (walmart professional) gave me a look. i have seen this look before...and given it many times riding the light rail into Baltimore.

that is the short list. i am less disciplined and more weird without my wife. oh lord, please help us find her a job here very quickly. preferably, one that pays six figures before the decimal point and has flexible hours and free pro baseball and football box seats as a perk...b/c i know she wouldn't care for that but would give them to me to go and enjoy or sell for a profit.

seriously though, prayers are going up.

this move to Baltimore has had some challenges. but we are convinced it is a Kingdom thing. God is proving himself faithful. i cant wait to see how he works this one out.

take the risk...
-n

An Unwilling Self Seduction (or, more accurately, that one time I had stitches put in my face and dad couldn’t watch)

As a child, I had quite a few “accidents.” One of the most memorable is when I fell and sliced open my face in a Sunday School classroom. Long story, but it involves a small trampoline and a Sunday School classroom with the lights turned off (sorry, I lived at the local church through my childhood so my stories usually have something to do with a small church building and, for some reason, me ending up bleeding). I had to have stitches in my face. Today, I have a scar. It is below my left eye if you want to check it out. And, don’t tell anyone, but I am sort of proud that I have a cool scar.

It was like a scene out of “E.R.”, except it was 1987 (maybe...it was definitely the eighties). I was rushed into the bright green room and laid on a table; doctors and nurses were sewing up my face and my mom was holding my hand. My dad was staying out of the room because he couldn’t watch the open face surgery repair. I would say they were scared for my life because I needed stitches. Definitely life threatening when you need stitches (that is how I felt, anyway).

Have you ever noticed that when you were a kid life was more simple? I think it is because when you are a kid, life is all about you. As a kid, you are so self absorbed. You haven’t matured to the point where you know the value of caring for others, truly loving others, or (hold your breath) sacrificing for someone because you love them. My family modeled these things for me beautifully. So far, I have learned how to go from being really self absorbed to being less self absorbed.

Back to the emergency room drama. The doctor put stitches in my face, and I don’t remember if it hurt or not. After a couple of weeks, I would pull at them when no one was looking. Apparently, the fingernail of an eight year old is perfect for pulling out a stitch prematurely. But mom would catch me or dad would tell me to stop it. After all, if my gorgeous mug was going to survive this latest attack then I would need the stitches to stay in for the whole time.

My grandparents were impressed with the scar. I dont remember his exact words but I am sure my grandpa showed me his Korean War scar and I would show him my battle wound. At school, I would frequent the restroom to check my face scar. The second grade girls probably thought I was a hunk; after all, I had a scar.

In the Bible, the writer of John (book in the New Testament) used a definition of love that intimidates me. Basically,m he compares the love of Jesus to an unconditional, risky, wide-open love. A love so authentic and selfless that it doesn’t really make much logical sense in our world. I think the closest I have come to this type of love was when I was a kid, laying on a table, getting my face stitched up. I’ll let you fill in the blanks with your own story, but for me, I learn about love when I think of how close a family can be.

Now, my family (probably like your family) is weird. We are in no way a perfect model of selfless and unconditional love. After all, for that to happen I would have those traits myself, and believe me, I have a long way to go. But I have caught a glimpse from time to time.

When have you seen this type love expressed in family? Isn’t that what God desires for our faith community? As this article closes, let me leave you with some words Paul (a writer in the Bible) left for one of his faith communities. Be challenged by this in your family:

“Let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good (loving each other). Right now, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith” (taken from Galatians 6).